Comfort levels, part 2

That escalated quickly. 

Since that last post, I’ve had a whole lot of distractions that, of course, keep me from quilting. They’re not all bad. Several of those distractions were times with family (yay!) and friends (yay!) due to a bunch of birthdays in one week. That’s good. But other distractions are happening due to friends and family experiencing a myriad of health and life issues, and that’s not good. 

Photo of fabrics that wanted to be in the Mod Owls Revival quilt
sent to cheer a friend

When the “not good” happens to a person close to me, regardless of any familial relation, I react. I grew up with a fixer mentality and it’s hard-wired in me. I’ve actually been trying to curb this impulse but I’m not always successful. But my comfort level with this particular trait of mine has waned as I’ve aged and I find myself trying to rein it in a bit. 

Now I find myself attempting to talk with the person impacted by the issue to (1) determine what needs to happen, and (2) determine if the person can make changes or take the necessary steps to ease, change or eliminate the issue, and (3) encourage that person to follow steps 1 and 2 and I’ll be their cheerleader. Obs, that doesn’t always work. I am finding at this age that a lot of us are set in our ways and don’t want to change, even if it means a better life. Why is it so? My upbringing proved that change was constant and necessary, and I find that it is essential for growth and understanding. Adapting to change is required for survival whether you like it or not. I know that with my upbringing, change was constant up to the point when my father died, a heartbreaking event that turned our lives upside down—my father died early on a Friday morning; by Sunday we were flying from Pennsylvania to Arkansas, buried my father on Tuesday, and returned to my grandparents’ home and sat there for three weeks until I told my mother that my sister and I had to go back to school. Yep, that was me at the age of 14 telling my mother what we had to do. That was hard. 

Still assessing the winners from the wannabes (I can't say losers)

I’m the only one that can stop myself from going out on a limb. The amount of time I have spent doing so has reached the point that I’m having to tell everyone, “Get in line.” I am not comfortable with saying it, but I now know it’s necessary. 

Ah, you lovely stack...

I started writing this post yesterday morning. I spent the evening finally getting back to cutting more of the Mod Owls Revival quilt, having not touched it during the day. I spent a few minutes watching television with the Hubs and the puptarts before we decided to go to bed. Something made me look at Facebook—I typically do that in the early morning with my coffee. Anne Lamott’s message was what I immediately saw, and it felt like it was directed straight to my heart. She wrote:

A blessing of old age is that you have figured out that it is a privilege to serve, to help others, and that it will probably help you at least as much as it does the other person. All truth is paradox, which again does not entirely work for nervous cases like me.

…

The same rules apply whether you are trying to help a sick friend or our country or the earth. As above, so below. You show up. You take the next right action and the insight follows, not vice versa. The insight is that caring and giving are what fill us up. The insight is that the greatest blessing is to be able to be a blessing for others. The insight is the title of that beautiful Raymond Carver story, “A Small Good Thing.” Help a little. Suck it up and let others help you. Be blessed.

This woman gets me. I will continue to suck it up and help a little. 

Trimmings and piles

By this time I thought I was going to tell you that the secret project was quilted. Nope! My quilting space limitations and four dogs were the primary reasons for that not happening. Changes to the quilting space are in the works and my comfort level is getting a bit better having that knowledge. But instead of reacting to all of the chaos happening to those around me, cutting fabrics for the Mod Owls Revival quilt brought me some joy and, for me, that’s self care. I recognize that’s me attempting to exercise control, but I also know I have to assist a close one this week with their issue. It’s a doozy and the long-term outlook is not good, and I want to help this person find a way to make as much of their journey as smooth as possible. I hope I can, and I also hope we both find comfort in that transition. 

The label for the secret project being embroidered onto the backing

This self-care also happened this weekend

If you’ve read this far, thank you for reading. I hope you find comfort in your world. Go make!